Kath

caused me to bury so deep inside For all the days I lived in terror and for all the nights I cried

The Letter
There was so many things I wanted to do
To let you know today how I feel about you
I didn't Know how or where to start
So I will just try to write what I feel in my heart

First I want to let you know I forgive you for what you did to me
The things you took away from me starting with my memories
All the missing years that you have caused me to bury so deep inside
For all the days I lived in terror and for all the nights I cried

The separation from my family because you always made me choose
The friendships I could have had and the ones you made me lose
Our little baby that didn't make it because of all her mother's stress
The guilt I felt each time I failed when I tried to do my best

The times you told me I was nothing and only you would want someone like me
The hell I put our children through because your control had made it hard for me to see
The pain I felt when you would hurt me because you said I had did things to make you get upset
The way I felt so useless because no matter what I did my love you never would accept

Then there are the good things that' came about from all those years of strife
The strength you caused me to have and the way it has helped me to change my life
But I thank you most for our three children for without you they would never be
And I would have missed out on all the joy each one has given me

So today I had to write this letter to you and try to move on and get pass all my pain
For now I have come to realize when I put the past behind me I have so much more to gain
I only wish that one day you too can moved pass all your insecurities and fears
And come to realize you don't have to force love its comes from knowing someone cares
Poem written by Kath
© 2002 Kath

The Way We Were

Remembering back to younger days when we were all so happy and care free
We all dreamt of a day when we would fall in love and forever it would be
We thought of days filled with sunshine and of course a prince would come our way
When we talked to our friends about it we would get so excited just waiting for that day

We would talk of walking in the moonlight holding onto his hand so tight
We would giggle as we talked about the way we would kiss each other goodnight
Our parents would look at us and smile knowing what we were whispering to our friends
Those were such innocent days I wonder why they ever had to end

Now years has passed and yes for most of us our prince did come our way
But some were fooled and didn't get the prince we talked about that day
He came our way posing as a friend someone to love us till the end
But that was all an act and he soon changed from the way he had began

His ways were cruel and ugly and his fist would hurt us all so much
We weren't one of the lucky ones that would feel love from a gentle touch
We lived each day in misery hurting from an hand that held so much control
Each day losing more of our self as this evil one stole our soul

But there are days when we all sit and dream of sunshine days and princes saving us
We know we must break free from this prison and regaining our soul again is a must
So let me take your hand dear friend and help you find your way
Back to when we dreamt of real love and lived those care free days

Why do we stay?

So many people ask us this question why did you stay so long
The first time that he hurt you didn't you realize then the love was gone
Well let me try to paint you a picture of what our life was like living in that hell
And maybe you will understand what it was really like coping in that prison cell

First take with me a little trip to a town somewhere in a far and distant place
And let me point out to you a lady full of innocence and a smile upon her face
Now watch as a man approaches her and tells her he can make all her dreams come true
And listen as he tells her come with me I promise I will always take good care of you

Lets follow her to his world where he first showers her with promises and love
Lets watch as she realizes this man must be an angel that was sent from up above
Now lets watch him really carefully as she makes a little everyday mistake
Can you hear him say you are so stupid as the tears fall down her face

Watch now how he takes her in his arms and tells her don't cry its all okay
Listen as he tells her please don't let it bother you I love you anyway
But wait lets not leave quite yet there are still lots of things left to see
Lets watch as he slowly takes her pride from her then her confidence and dignity

Lets watch as she turns from the mirror and ask Do you think Im pretty tonight
Listen as he answers your pretty to me and that's all that really matters right
Lets move ahead to a year or two now and see what's happening at their place
Do you see her ? There she is laying on the floor with bruises on her face

Do you see her laying there bruised bleeding and crying begging for her life
While he stands above her yelling you are so lucky I took you for my wife
No one else would have you and put up with the stupid things you do and say
Do you realize now without me your nothing and I will never let you get away

Please don't leave yet there is just a few more things I want you to see and hear
Look carefully at her face now see its blankness and sad eyes and look at that empty stare
Can you see how he has taken her very soul away and he did it so gradually day after day
He has left nothing now but a empty shell with no thoughts of her own and no will to run away

Can you understand a little better now what happen to her and why she chose to stay
Did you see how her got her to believe without him she would never find her way
Lets leave now because she's about to come to her crossroad where she decides which road to choose
And no matter what her choice is I hope you understand a little better since you've walked in her shoes

Staring out the open window feeling trapped and so alone
    Wondering what life was like outside the four walls of her home
    It had been such a long time now since her freedom she had lost
        She had fallen for an abuser and now she pays the cost

      She thought if only she had the courage and confidence she lacked
          Then it would be so easy to walk away and never again look back
    But that had all been stripped from her by a man who strives on control
       He had stolen her identity and left her with only a broken soul

         Some may wonder why she stayed so long and let him hurt him so
But they don't understand he had such a hold on her and would never let her go
     They just don't realize what its like to have no tears left to cry
   And the only freedom you can see in your future is the day you will die

She sits staring out the open window silently wishing for someone to pass by
    Someone to come break the chains and set her captive soul free to fly
   Her pleading can be heard carried softly by angels to the world outside
     Someone come and save me and loose the strings he has so tightly tied

I knew a young girl once just starting on love's path
She was so carefree and happy and would always make you laugh
Then one day she fell in love and her world suddenly all changed
Her life soon become full of heartache and she was playing grown up games

She couldn't understand how someone who loved her would want to hurt her so
She was now trapped in a world of pain and had no place to go
The first time that he hurt her was the day her innocence died
So she began to look for a place deep inside herself for somewhere safe to hide

Each time he raised his hand to her he would tell her she was to blame
So she would look for ways to change but her life remained the same
She traveled deeper inside herself until even she had lost her way
She couldn't understand what she had done and why her life had to be this way

Now this carefree girl of long ago was bruised and hurting and she felt so ashamed
She thought the world would look at her and know the truth that she was the one to blame
She believed when he would tell her she would never make it on her own
And because no one else would ever want her this prison would always be her home

So she settled in to her life of pain and decided maybe this was where she was meant to be
For she was just a nobody that could do nothing right as she was sure the world could see
She raised her children the best she could trying to shield them from the pain and strife
She thought taking them and leaving would be so tough and it would ruin their life

Then one day the pain all stopped and he raised his hand to her no more
He told her he was so sorry and wished he could take back what he had done before
But it was to late by then the damage and scars he had made would never mend
And the love she once felt for him she had buried so deep never to be find again

So her family all raised the best she could she had no reason now to stay
She packed her bags and walked out the door and ran so far away
She soon found out that life out there wasn't at all like he said it would be
And yes someone else did want her and his love for her would fill a sea

She still has the scars and pain inside her and some days they come back to hurt her so
But she's slowly finding that carefree girl she buried so long ago